I am a learner

Have you ever had the feeling you don’t give a damn for anyone and when you get it you might be thinking why the heck didn’t you get this self realisation  long time ago. At least you would’ve lived those moments rather than wasting them in vain thinking of others’

Standing 21 this year (2 more months to be 21), life of 20 years pretty much taught me how to be a human, a lady, a relativist. Those were the days when I don’t get myself a dress assuming I would look really ugly in it because of my chubbiness. I always thought I am overweight, too big, never beautiful. People’s compliments on me never convinced my insecurity. I was a former athlete during schooldays but during my second semester of my Matriculation year I was drown into a deep depression. I was lonely, I lost myself into the dark and small world of mine. I locked myself into my room, staying away from my family and friends. I had no appetite and I was totally living a dreaded life.

After a year of struggle in depression and then I told myself its time to get out of this darkness and its time for some sunshine. As a reader I learnt a lot by reading. Reading healed me, it calmed me. I learnt that the world that I have been witnessing wasn’t the real world. It is a manipulated world. I learnt that everyone dies but not everyone lives. We were bound to the society and live according to the acceptance of the society. Why that is every parent wants his/her child to be a doctor, an engineer or a lawyer only? Why don’t they encourage their child if he/she is interested in music or arts?

Fitness also healed me. Whenever in doubt go lift. Sweating breaks the toxins and it gives you the feel-goods. I also love travelling. Travelling and meeting new people, learning new cultures are a lot more of experiences. Your experience is your greatest teacher.

It took me piles of effort and struggle to come out of the darkness and to amend whatever broken. A few months later I started to live the normal life. Attending classes and living an ordinary student life.

I am the type of person who could be all hyped up to the need of a peace space for myself. Hence, an ambivert. Now, I live a life for myself, realising I could never satisfy the world, at least I would satisfy myself. As long as I don’t harm anyone. Today I could walk chin up despite of my body size, skin colour or even the acne scars on my face. I have learnt a number of lessons, some of them the hard way. We are all learners. We learn everyday and it teaches us lessons.