Have you ever had the feeling you don’t give a damn for
anyone and when you get it you might be thinking why the heck didn’t you get
this self realisation long time ago. At least you would’ve lived those moments rather than
wasting them in vain thinking of others’
Standing 21 this year (2 more months to be 21), life of 20
years pretty much taught me how to be a human, a lady, a relativist. Those were
the days when I don’t get myself a dress assuming I would look really ugly in
it because of my chubbiness. I always thought I am overweight, too big, never
beautiful. People’s compliments on me never convinced my insecurity. I was a
former athlete during schooldays but during my second semester of my
Matriculation year I was drown into a deep depression. I was lonely, I lost myself
into the dark and small world of mine. I locked myself into my room, staying
away from my family and friends. I had no appetite and I was totally living a
dreaded life.
After a year of struggle in depression and then I told
myself its time to get out of this darkness and its time for some sunshine. As a
reader I learnt a lot by reading. Reading healed me, it calmed me. I learnt
that the world that I have been witnessing wasn’t the real world. It is a
manipulated world. I learnt that everyone dies but not everyone lives. We were
bound to the society and live according to the acceptance of the society. Why that
is every parent wants his/her child to be a doctor, an engineer or a lawyer
only? Why don’t they encourage their child if he/she is interested in music or
arts?
Fitness also healed me. Whenever in doubt go lift. Sweating breaks
the toxins and it gives you the feel-goods. I also love travelling. Travelling and
meeting new people, learning new cultures are a lot more of experiences. Your experience
is your greatest teacher.
It took me piles of effort and struggle to come out of the
darkness and to amend whatever broken. A few months later I started to live the
normal life. Attending classes and living an ordinary student life.
I am the type of person who could be all hyped up to the
need of a peace space for myself. Hence, an ambivert. Now, I live a life for
myself, realising I could never satisfy the world, at least I would satisfy myself.
As long as I don’t harm anyone. Today I could walk chin up despite of my body
size, skin colour or even
the acne scars on my face. I have learnt a number of lessons, some of them the
hard way. We are all learners. We learn everyday and it teaches us lessons.